I’m the type of person that likes to take notes when I’m reading a book. Usually by the end of a book, I will have a paragraph or two of important things that I want to remember. Not so with this book! After reading How We Love Our Kids, I had two full pages of notes!
How We Love Our Kids, written by Milan and Kay Yerkovich, goes beyond typical parenting manuals that give how-to lessons in controlling a child’s behavior. Instead of focusing on the (mis)behavior of the child, the focus lands squarely on the parent. Namely, how I was parented as a child has a direct impact on how I am parenting my own children. Are there certain behaviors I am bringing into my own motherhood that need to be changed in order to reach the heart of my child?
The book goes into several different types of parenting styles: The Avoider Parent, The Pleaser Parent, The Vacillator Parent, The Controller Parent, and The Victim Parent. This section alone brought me so much insight as to how I parent. It was valuable for me to find out exactly which type of parent I am so that I can be on the lookout for areas in which I can easily make wrong choices. I really liked the Growth Goals highlighted at the end of each parenting style because it gave me specific areas in which I need to work on.
MATS. That is one acronym I am going to remember when my child is having a hard time and needing comfort.
- M-Mention what emotion you see.
- A-Ask more about how they feel and validate it.
- T-Touch; Offer your lap, share a hug, cover a hand.
- S- Stay until the emotional need changes or is filled.
Overall, this book has challenged me as a mother with more self-reflection and personal examination than most parenting books offer. How We Love Our Kids has given me the tools to be able to get rid of my “buttons” so that my kids can’t push them. The ball is now in my court to create a closer connection with my children.
I was given a free copy of this book from WaterBrook Press in exchange for an honest, not necessarily positive, review.